Captain Me Planet

Am I the only one who thinks that Broke Back Mountain sweeping the Oscar nominations is completely ridiculous? Is it representative of how that movie actually performed in the theaters and the movie goers response? Or does everyone in Hollywood truly think the world revolves around them? Oh. Dumb question.

Southern U.S. A woman has found the cure to an as of yet, un-named virus. It appears that a precisely measured concoction of Cabernet, Nyquil and ibuprofen carries the ability to boost the body’s immune system, and relieve symptoms, while killing the virus itself. The woman, a housewife and mother of 3, who wishes to remain unidentified, reports she awoke Monday morning with the uncomfortable symptoms. “I just couldn’t sleep no more. My neck and shoulders were all achy, I couldn’t eat, and I had this big ol’ stye in my eye.” After spending the day in and out of bed, she says her husband, a cook for the chain restaraunt Staxx, offered to go to the grocery. “Well, she hadn’t brushed her hair, or teeth or nothing, and I could see she was thirsty, and well, we were out of juice,” he explained. Upon arriving at the store, he called for further instruction. “I told him we needed some saltines, some OJ, a case of Diet Rite cola, and some Cabernet,” she elaborated, “and some macaroni and cheese, that box kind, for the kids.” Upon arrival, the husband just opened the wine, and administered freely, until the woman felt it was time for the other pieces of the key trio to be ingested. “Oh, about after an hour or so, I was feeling a bit perkier, so I says to my husband to get the Nyquil, and go ahead and throw in some ibuprofen”, she states. And, he did. The following morning, the symptoms were gone. “It’s a miracle,” the husband reports, “a true miracle. I had to miss work yesterday, and she really wasn’t no site for sore eyes.” It seems the exact amounts of the key ingredients are 3.2 four ounce pours of Cabernet, 2 tablespoons of Nyquil, and 2 generic ibuprofen. Although, doctors consulted speculate that any red wine, or over the counter cold and flu remedy would be just as effective. As for his part in the discovery, the husband just states, “shoot, all I had to do was keep her glass full.”

My bum’s a tooter gun!
-Private Three

It really, really works! Our children aren’t going to be dumb as stumps after all! We homeschool. Or rather, we keep the children home with us, as opposed to sending them off to any school, and we hang out. A lot. Together. A. lot. of. together-ness. We’re aaaallll together. Most aaaallllll of the time. One big happy family. Us. Together in the morning, together in the evening, together at supper time. Together in the bathroom, together at the grocery, together in the T.V. room. Not that we watch it. Good homeschooling families never watch T.V. What would be the point of keeping them home to educate them if we did something, like, say, watch HGTV together to figure out which dude the family will pick on Designer’s Challenge? Or, maybe, learn that if a person could smell as well as dog, we’d have noses about a foot long, and 9 inches wide. I’ve heard they do a show on Animal Planet called Extreme Animals. Not that we’d ever watch it. No sir-ee.

And although I’ve purchased 4 different boxed curricula, created 20-25 of my own heavily researched and child individualized unit studies that coordinate with the seasons and holidays of the calendar year and offer spiritual strengthening, stocked an entire utility closet full of flash cards, tiny plastic bear manipulatives, counting links, felt people, facts, figures, and every drawing utensil under the sun not only of our universe, but surely 3 others, we just don’t do school. Not that way, at least. After several years of feeling alternately confident, nearly smug with my brilliant approach, and gripped with panic that our 3 children may live with us forever for lack knowing how to spell their names to fill out any job applications, I stumbled onto the term unschooling. I finally had a diagnosis. Either out of their own guilt, or possible because it may actually be a valid approach, or they just wanted to make a buck, someone wrote a book. Scads of them, actually. And I breathed a very deep sigh of relief as I read stories about parents actually being able to move their children out of their homes.

So. Unschooling. Passion led learning, or interest led, meaning a child will learn all he/she needs to know over time, through a subject or project they’re really into. And that learning, or absorbing necessary information to achieve what they want to do with said subject, is retained, while wrote memorization is largely meaningless for retention’s sake. And there’s some stuff about not needing certain time lines, or testing, blah blah blah. Or at least, that the gist of it. In English? If my son likes computer programming, then letting him just go with that interest, day after day for a while, and not assigning math, or history, that he will eventually learn math and history while trying to satisfy his desire to get deeper into programming. Like, you just have to know certain math skills to get it, and there is history in the role of computers in our society, and so on and so on. That’s all great. You can check out a book if you want to. I actually do have a point.

There is no need to track a skill grade by grade, as learning will happen largely with life application. This is what we’ve done for the last 10 years, our oldest being 10. But he’s getting restless now, and needs more stucture. Which is the other beautiful thing about unschooling. You make up the rules, and you rewrite them as necessary. So we have started with some math, assigned history reading, and writing on that subject, spelling and a little bit of anything that seems appropriate for the day, according to the stuff churning around here. He’s an ace in reading. Had him tested once, off the charts for ability and comprehension. Reading is something he loves, so, a passion. Math? Not so much. So, based on my own math phobia, having something to do with getting an anxiety attack to even figure up the change at the grocery, I have not pushed it at all. I keep chanting to myself he will get it, he will get it, and to the Colonel, he will get it, he will get it…all the books say so! while I’m living in secret, nagging doubt that maybe, he actually won’t. Now we’re to the good part. So today I give him some math from a mid year second grade book. Not really having any barometer for where to begin. 3 and 4 digit addition and subtraction. Early multiplication table, analog time, place, word problems, carrying the 10, borrowing from the 10, etc. He’s only spent about 9 hours of his whole life working through any math books, ever. Every time he got frustrated or pressured, which used to be a lot, I backed off and put up the book, chanting he will get it, he will get it. And today? Got it all, with only one question for explanation. Got. it. all. Quickly, easily. And very relaxed. No Pre K math. No first grade, and none of the first half of second. At this rate, as all the books say will happen, he will be up to his grade, not that we care, by the time he is chronologically aged fifth grade, which is in 9 months. Just like the books say. We have a choice, start very young, and take 5 years to get to fifth grade math, or wait till he’s nearly that age, and get it in about 9 months. Amazing.

Meanwhile, his 5 year old brother put together 18 3 letter words with puzzle cards, and announced to me that 9+9=18, because he had them grouped in 2 rows of 9 words each. Actually used something out of that stocked closet.

For some reason, I’ve been up since a quarter till 4. Which has allowed me the opportunity to hear today’s headlines about 5 times now, still not yet 6:30. So after hearing this the first time, then the second, and the third, I knew what I had thought I had heard, but had surely mistook, was indeed, accurate. Some scientists are suggesting that obesity is a virus, therefore, like a cold, can be caught? Are they out of their minds? Contagious fatness? Can we even begin to understand the ramifications of this discovery on a segment of our society already standing as the last acceptable group to despise, pre-judge, exclude and ridicule? An over-weight person is already nearly a pariah in our culture of skinny obsessed citizens. Now were going to add to that by suggesting, just possibly, that if we get too close, we may get it? How much more isolated could a person feel? A person who may already feel extremely ostracized. Someone who may feel so visible. Odd. Alone. Disliked. Already as if, and sometimes possibly accurately, people don’t want to be near them. We’re now going to announce that it’s catching.

I certainly haven’t seen the findings personally, but what about this makes sense? The fact that often, entire families struggle with obesity? That certainly can be explained by sharing a similar life style. Or that large numbers of children in schools are now considered morbidly obese? Large numbers of our entire population consume unhealthy food, and get little to no exercise. And we live in a nation of cities largely not planned for walking, but for cars and taxis. In truth, it would be wonderful if a vaccination could indeed prevent or cure obesity. What a concept. Line up all the little babies as they’re born and stick a needle in those little bums. Guaranteed not to exceed a size 12, ever, or your money back. Been on every diet on the planet? Get to your doc’s office and watch the pounds melt away. But I do have to wonder, does this mere suggestion make an already sometimes near parylizing inertia in some people suffering with obesity, to begin to win their health back, tempt them to give up entirely? Offer them hope and prayer if they just wait long enough, there’ll be a shot to save the pain and effort of calorie counting and putting on the walking shoes?

Additionally, it occurs to me, that this sounds a bit like so many aspects of our society that just won’t accept that we are responsible for our own actions. It’s just never our fault. And while it seems clear that not each and every obese man or woman can simply take charge of their diet and exercise routine, there are extenuating circumstances, apparently conventional wisdom proves that many, many could, and that that move in the right direction would make an enormous difference in their long term health. I’m just not sure I’m buying this. Maybe they’ll come up with a vaccine for, I don’t know, um, being an asshole. And I’ll recommend the guy who works at our cleaners for the intial trials.

The privates #1 and 3, the Colonel and I watched the 3rd Star Wars this weekend. Return of the Jedi. Don’t tell me it’s actually the 6th. I’m eternally ill about the first 3 episodes from my childhood being relegated to the last 3, just because George Lucas wanted to run the thing out of sequence. And just who is my son to tell me every time no mo-o-o-m, that’s not the 3rd one…

Anyway, the scene comes up where Leia is in the gold bikini. Chained to Jaba the Hut. We talk a good bit about modesty and appropriate clothing around here, and no belly buttons hang out from under skimpy shirts, so the elder Pvt.’s interest was a bit peaked at the amount of celestial skin being bared by the lovely Leia. Wow. Mom. Um, that’s really not a lot of clothes, is it? Nope, it sure isn’t, but remember, Jaba’s making her wear that, because she’s his captive right now. In her right mind, Leia most assuredly would never don such a get-up. Upon rescue, her pride will be returned to her, and she’ll dress normally again (white toga + braided side head buns = normal?). The Pvt. stood mesmerized a few moments longer before affirming Jaba wanted her to wear that? Yep, he did. And our 10 year old replied, I guess he’s sort of like an outer space Hooters-going kind of dude, huh. Well sir, I guess he is.

(cue Star Wars theme music) Just this morning, in a galaxy, far, far away, a battle raged. For months, a fierce struggle had ravaged Homeonia, and without intervention, no one would live to see the end. The inhabitants of Homemonia were creatures of relationship, and regular eating schedules. However, there were those, maybe only one, who lost the high regard for routine, and non-cyber communications. This is not that story. This is a not a story at all, but a recording of the peace restored to Homeonia, through the unfortunate, but necessary destruction of one Captain’s Blog.

The reclaimed Captain will create, instead, a log. With comments disabled, and no links to be found, Homeonia will go on with comfortable bellies and clean underwear, and nary a meme in sight. The ravages of mold and dust may even be put to an end, as planet restoration commences. All blog-whoring has been legislated as unlawful, punishable to the fullest extent of Planet Law, and usually consisting of the removal of computer privileges. This is a place of recording the lives of the planet dwellers that can give the Captain a hug, and with whom she can read Dr. Suess. In addition, any and all opinions formed, or observations noted, by said Captain will be logged as deemed necessary.

I am the Captain. And my first duty of record is to lay the smackdown on Private One, who for a decade has enjoyed all the free form learning of the Swiss Family Robinson. And starting tomorrow, he will begin *gasp* actual school work, according to an actual lesson plan, that I am going to begin outlining right here.

Monday 1/30/06

Math - next page, front and back
20 minutes of flashcards
Spelling - first 2 pages, front and back of next lesson
History - Americans Into Orbit, first 3 chapters
(Ha ha. I’m going to get him to read those books, afterall, Dad)
Writing - one paragraph on the first 3 chapters of AIO.
Botany - collect 5 different leaves

Tuesday 1/31/06

See how Monday went.

Wednesday 2/1/06

See how Tuesday went.

Thursday 2/2/06

See how Wednesday went.

Friday 2/3/06

See who’s still standing.

And I need to:
-get the laundry done
-vacuum up and down stairs
-plan dinner before 5 pm
-walk wipe down all bath rooms
-read for 30 minutes with Private Two.
-clean out the fridge (gack)
-determine what supplies are needed for Tues. co-op
-and ohmygosh…just looked at my book, have a 1:30 appt. with my gynecologist. I’m going to have to take the kids with me. gah. This makes a Captain unhappy. canceled

edited update: 1/30/06 seem to have a virus today. The Colonel stayed home from work. All systems were adjusted due to the Captain’s crankiness, and very little of the original agenda was accomplished. I did finish Patrica Cornwell’s book,

Trace

. And am feeling pleasantly mellow on Nyquil.