In which I’m having an affair
He’s not tall. Shorter than my husband. Boxier, too. But tight. You know, bigger but not flabbier. Kind of squatty actually. But. can. he. cook. Smooth to the touch. And is. so. hot. I just love to rub my hands all over him - if I can stand the heat. He’s a fantastic multi-tasker, too. Does several things at once so well. What husband can you say that about? And is he ever hip. The latest in style and fashion. He can be cold, but warms up quickly. I don’t hold it against him. They’re just like that, you know. And, it takes at least 2 men to take him on. But he ain’t heavy. He’s my oven.
The latest, and greatest in kitchen appliances. A single footprint, double oven. Stainless steel. 4 gas burners with a large center burner for, oh, stock pots or something. Dual fuel. Electric convection. Did I mention it has TWO ovens in one? What would be a useless crumb and ash collecting drawer in the bottom has brilliantly been designed as a second oven. What’s that? Need to bake rolls on 450, and the casserole on 350? No problem here. Got a big ol’ turkey and some green bean dish? Fire up both ovens, baby. And no extra space is required from my already space challenged kitchen. Did I say brilliant? I meant astonishingly genius. Kitchen-gasmic. Comes with with a griddle. Fits just right in the grates up top. Self cleaning, of course. Comes to the desired temp in no time. Oh, forgot to preheat. Hey, it only takes a sec. By name, he is a GE Profile. I just call him Love.
The Colonel’ll just have to get over it.
