Outed
This blog world is funny. Lots and lots of witty, pithy, entertaining women putting it all out there, writing and sharing. But it has been my observation, and maybe I’m just not getting around enough, that most of these women are, well, may I say, much more liberal (Gah. I hate that word.) than I. This is fine. Really. It takes all kinds, right? But when I say, leave a comment or something, asking about an issue. Maybe for clarification, or OK, maybe I’m being an eensy weensy bit beligerant, and feel somewhat compelled to well, point out a contradiction in there thinking, I am sometimes deleted. Washed right off the comments board. Poof! As if I never was. Why? I promise I was nice. Just not in agreement.
I may be awhile here.
Like at The Queen of Spain. Now maybe I just accidentally hit delete, instead of post, but when I asked if she saw any contradiction in these two posts, my comment seems to have vanished. Basically, I was asking about her thinking that her SIL was around the bend for having trouble with the potential message that Barbie sends young girls, but she had a later post about trashing a toy tank given to her son becauses she didn’t like the potential message it could give him. She thought her SIL was being pretty ridiculous. I was just wondering. OK, I was goading a bit.
I see 2 camps out there. One is the sort of blog described above, which I think is entertaining, and often well written (just my humble opinion). Funny women. Women willing to hang their dirty laundry out there. Discuss their anatomy when applicable. Tell it like it is when their four year old smears his boogers on the ceiling. But often, although certainly not always, these blogs are by women that will generally clash with my core set of beliefs. That’s fine. It’s just that I like to read good writing at interesting sites. And if I go looking for blogs that are, well, more conservative or let me just say it, Christian, typically what I find is bland stuff covered in quilted duck prints. Does believing in Jesus = Hummel figurines and teddy bear back grounds? Whassup with that? Does having witty prose and a dynamic site = anti-faith and a firm belief that any spanking is child abuse?
I know I could be over generalizing here, but I’m telling you, I see it over and over and over. And from previous experience, I can say with certainty that if you decide you’d like to speak your mind, and it’s *gasp* conventional, or even worse, your best interpretation of Biblically based, buckle up. You are poo poo for a swarm of flies out there.
On the other hand, often (I’m trying hard not to paint with too broad a stroke here), if you’d like to agree that porn with your husband is fun (I could link sites here), or gay marriage should be legal, or that there are no consequences to shacking up and not marrying, then bring it on sister. We’re all in this together. Unless, of course, you’re a Jesus freak. It’s about the only kind of freak not allowed. Because we aaaallll know that means you condemn, hate and use that worthless piece of antiquity, otherwise known as the Bible, as an excuse to stay atop your high horse. You may disagree with others’ choices all. day. long. Unless your reason for disagreeing is in some effort to walk out a faith that calls us to something higher than doing just whatever feels good whenever we want.
I’m still sounding this out. Go take a break if you want. Pee. Get a drink. Or go on to another more important task in your day. I’m just saying my piece.
There has been a firestorm among homeschool bloggers this last couple of weeks. A tragedy happened in North Carolina. A small boy was killed by a clearly disturbed care giver, in an effort to make him stay in bed. She claimed parenting advice gleened from a ministry in Tennessee, No Greater Joy, suggested such tactics. No matter who suggests what, no balanced parent or care giver would have gone to the lengths this woman did, resulting in this little boy’s death.
But now, light has been shined on No Greater Joy. And in an attempt to just summarize here, they believe in and advocate spanking, training, and teaching children actively. As a parent, we are responsible for their well being, and how they turn out. D’uh. But in doing this, they advocate certain tactics that bristle quite a few people, and sometimes me, as well. But in general terms, their message is one I believe in. We are the ones to prepare our children for the world, and for the role to which the Lord is leading them. We train them. Train seems to be a very bad word among many bloggers now. Why? We say potty train, why not train to teach manners, respect, how to tie shoes, zip pants, say excuse me, not hit a sibling, and on and on. But the worst part is that the Pearls, the founder of NGJ, advocate spanking. With an object. Like a small, thin, line of plumbing pipe. Or a switch. Or maybe a wooden spoon. If the first makes you blanche, I understand. But if you consider spanking OK, then consider that a thin piece of something delivers only a swift sting, while a hand, to get the point across, can be heavy, and bruising. I can practically hear the anger bubbling all over the blogosphere over this comment. Homeschoolers are up in arms, and dividing right and left, literally, and battle lines are being drawn. Are the “pro-spankers” spitting on the “anti-spankers” (these terms are ridiculous) Nope. It’s the other way around. But don’t get me wrong. I am not enamoured with Michael Pearl. I think he’s arrogant. But if he’s suggesting that I may need to spank my child, I’m in agreement. Even an 8 or 9 month old who can crawl and touch something dangerous is completely capable of understanding a pop on the hand each time she does so means no. More bile rising, I’m sure.
At ODonnel Web, he has pointed out:
GMALASHEP
It’s pronounced Ga-Mala-Shep, and it’s apparently some sort of secret organization that is organizing the boycott of Homeschoolblogger. It’s just a tool they are using to spread their anti-Christian message far and wide…BTW, it stands for Gay, Marxist, Atheist, Libertarian, ACLU Supporting, Home Educating Parents.
And the primary venom is being aimed at Christians. Because some of us, although while not suggesting any child rearing book should be read without prayer and a giant dose of salt, do feel spanking is perfectly appropriate. If not just necessary. And we believe a whole host of other stuff that riles the above self described. Spanking just seems to be a hallmark of which side of the fence you sit on, modern and enlightened, or convential and of grandma’s school.
I’m of grandma’s school. And I try my best to be of God’s. I must not be enlightened. And if the current culture of children is the result of such parental enlightenment, Lord help us all.
I am a believer. In Christ as the son of God, and in the Holy Trinity of their existence as Father, Son and Spirit.
And in the redeeming love and grace of Christ’s sacrifice and death on the cross.
I try to live my life according to this principle the best I can.
I believe that next to being a child of God, that my privilege of wife and mother is the hightest calling I could ever have.
I believe that am in a supportive, partnership role with my husband. That I am here to help him be the best man God is calling him to be. And that he is here to love me, as unconditionally and sacrificially as he is able with God’s grace.
I’m not embarrassed to be a “help-meet”.
We are created differently, as God intended men and women to be. But complimentary, as He also intended.
No ship can have 2 captains. If we just can’t come to agreement, I’ll defer to him, in the knowledge that every decision he makes is the best prayerful one he can. In honoring him, I honor the Lord.
I do not believe the public school are adequate to prepare our children for the rest of their lives.
Most private schools would not be able, either.
We homeschool not for the best education in subjects like math and history, but for the best preparation of their hearts and spirits.
Yes. It is like brainwashing. Someone will, it better be us.
I believe our children should be, brace yourself, obedient. And respect us as their authority, in an exercise to learn to submit to the authority of our Lord. I know, radical.
Although we often like to give explanations, I believe in because I said so.
I don’t think shacking up before marriage is right.
Or sex before marriage, either.
I struggle with 2 partners of the same sex adopting or having children together. There is a reason God created the family with a mother and a father.
I believe I can completely disagree with another person’s way of life, or choices in life, and never let any hatred or condemnation enter the relationship. Jesus did it.
I think it’s OK to say no, I don’t choose that for me. And that making that decision comes from a jugdement we are called to make, as believers. Again, that doesn’t mean we act in anything but love towards those we disagree with.
I believe house work and meal planning are blessings to my family, and a high holy calling. And every bit as important, if not more so, than the highest paid job out there.
I’m not just a mom. I am a mother.
I believe pornography is wrong. In any use. Even in consensual married relationships. So what defines porn? I can only say what my definition is, for me. But I sure feel like I can make some broad strokes here.
I believe abortion is wrong, and that it breaks the Lord’s heart. But I’m not at all sure I want it legislated by the government.
I believe there is a real spirtual battle going on . For our children, especially. And God calls us to the battle front.
So that’s it. I’m outed. A bible thumping, conventional thinking, occasional child-spanking, husband-honoring, toilet cleaning, meal making, homeschooling, prayer saying, Jesus freak. And I intend to talk about it as freely as some women do their vibrators.
Thanks, Dani, for a bit of inspiration.
You quoted me incorrectly. It should be I’m just a tool….
Comment by COD — March 31, 2006 @ 6:11 pm
Of course, the bit in the …. that you chose to skip sort of adds all the context to the quote. Without it, your readers won’t know that there was sarcasm involved in the anti-Christian bit.
But I’m sure it’s just an honest mistake. After all a good Christian homeschooling Mom would never resort to tactics normally associated with the liberal media, right?
Comment by COD — March 31, 2006 @ 6:22 pm
Whew. Someone is in a mood, huh? Aren’t we all some days. And it’s a good thing for blogging that we can vent these things.
First of all, I DID receive your comments via email. I have no idea why they did not show up in the post. I did not delete or move them. In fact…I just checked and they are there, so I am not sure why they did not post immediately, other than blogger can suck sometimes. I do not delete comments.
From what I remember, you were attempting to compare my banning of war toys and my SIL’s banning of Barbie and certain Disney dolls. I’m really not sure where you are going with this…only because I said in my war post that we were happy to adhere to my SIL’s rules and do not send my niece those things. And we were hoping they would do the same for us.
Now, as for the war toy and the barbies being the same. This is where I have to disagree. I find violent toys, meant for violence and nothing more or less…just inappropriate for my 3 year old. I don’t think a toy gun teaches him anything other than to shoot. As for a doll, I see more than it’s image. Do I like the bratz dolls? No? And if you refer to my barbie post, you can see I am not exactly clear on why my SIL does not like Barbie. I think it may be because she has a career and no husband, but who knows. But I’m just not sure you can compare a doll to a tank. The tank is a toy made for war play. It’s obvious. The doll is a subtle thing. It’s just a doll…or is it more? I don’t think it was made, specifically, to make girls want large boobs. The tank WAS made to battle.
Now, after reading your entire post, I would have to say that none of this is about war toys or barbies. Or what my SIL finds ok in her house and what we find ok in our house. I think the real issue is that our houses are very, very different. And we come across these differences A LOT now that we have kids. I find it odd that I can’t send her daughter Ariel stuff. SHE finds it odd that we don’t want War toys for our boy.
I think the main difference between her and I…is that I respect her wishes as a parent, even if I think she’s a moron.
She may think I’m a moron, but she will also continue to send my kids bibles. And nativity scenes for Xmas. We’ll see what happens on the war toy front, now that I’ve asked her not too.
So what is the real issue we are debating here? My fondness for Barbies? Or my feelings about my SIL and her religion?
And you know, I have to say…you can go on and on about your views and I can go on and on about mine, and I’m happy to do it…but my problem comes in when you say “I believe there is a real spirtual battle going on . For our children, especially. And God calls us to the battle front.” THAT right there is the mentality that makes me want to vomit. THAT is what makes me go from “lets all just place nice and hear eachother out” to blood boiling, sign holding, DC marching, fundraising, grassroots activism. And that is where I tend to draw the line between my good Christian friends and those other Christians I like to either make fun of or rally against. I’m happy to be “outed” on that too.
So if that is the debate you want…I’m happy to engage. But let’s be clear. This isn’t about Barbies and Tanks. It never was.
Comment by QofS — March 31, 2006 @ 6:54 pm
Hi. The Queen sent me.
I went to visit the site of your “inspiration”, Dani… and I sit here, speechless. How anyone could align themselves with someone who indirectly advocates child abuse is beyond me. By promoting that book, and those freaks - yes psycho freaks - who wrote it, she is advocating child abuse, plain and simple. You calling her your inspiration and admitting to using some of the tactics in the book are doing the same. What was it? Plumbing wire, or something? Use that to beat your kid so as not to break the skin??? WTF is that??? I left a message on her site telling her that I feel sorry for her children, and that’s the truth. However, I wouldn’t waste my time or breath saying any more to a complete idiot such as herself.
I do have one question for you: How is it that you fundamentalist “Jesus freaks” are pro-capital punishment and pro-life all at the same time? I’ve always wondered how you justify that (one of many) contradictions?
I have some very good Christian friends, so I’m not a Christian-basher. It’s the fundamentalists that are scary… just as scary and dangerous as Islamic fundamentalists, in my opinion. Blow up a building for Allah, blow up an abortion clinic for Jesus… it’s all the same, isn’t it?
I went to a funeral on Monday for a soldier that was killed in Iraq; I was there as a member of the Patriot Guard Riders, and do you know why I was there? Ever hear of a guy named Fred Phelps (probably one of Dani’s heroes)? Well, this “Christian” nutjob is going around causing trouble at the funerals of soldiers all in the name of Jesus, so I rode with a very fine group of motorcyclists to be at the funeral in order to protect the family from hearing such things out of the mouths of “Christians” such as “God blew up the troops”, “God hates queers”, “Cpl Yates is burning in hell”… and on and on. My, such good, loving Christians!
Methinks that Jesus would weep and be ashamed at the antics of his “freaks” in this country.
For real.
Comment by Laurie — March 31, 2006 @ 8:27 pm
Next time you decide to rant, at least do us all a favor and address the real subject of your ire at the outset. Don’t ease into it by attacking an honest blogger who’s done you no wrong (direct or indirect). With that said, I agree with you on a few things – namely that it is your responsibility as a parent to raise your children to be morally upstanding individuals. And I feel that you (and the Queen of Spain) have the right to do that in any manner that you see fit, assuming that you do so without resorting to abuse. As a child of a physically and emotionally abusive father, I know that the line between strict discipline and abuse is very thin, nearly invisible at times. Please take care and act with love – your children will thank you for it.
I went to blog. I read through the last three posts and all of their comments. In a word, it was scary. Her husband, , lists his occupation as abortion survivor . He calls people homos in his most recent post. It is people like this, with their vocal ignorance and their obvious prejudices, who give Christians everywhere a bad name. How, in the name of a kind and loving God, can you take inspiration from these people?
Comment by Erin S. — March 31, 2006 @ 8:54 pm
Next time you decide to rant, at least do us all a favor and address the real subject of your ire at the outset. Don’t ease into it by attacking an honest blogger who’s done you no wrong (direct or indirect). With that said, I agree with you on a few things – namely that it is your responsibility as a parent to raise your children to be morally upstanding individuals. And I feel that you (and the Queen of Spain) have the right to do that in any manner that you see fit, assuming that you do so without resorting to abuse. As a child of a physically and emotionally abusive father, I know that the line between strict discipline and abuse is very thin, nearly invisible at times. Please take care and act with love – your children will thank you for it.
I went to Dani’s blog. I read through the last three posts and all of their comments. In a word, it was scary. Her husband, blunttruth, lists his occupation as abortion survivor. He calls people homos in his most recent post. It is people like this, with their vocal ignorance and their obvious prejudices, who give Christians everywhere a bad name. How, in the name of a kind and loving God, can you take inspiration from these people?
Comment by Erin S. — March 31, 2006 @ 8:59 pm
Hi. Fellow “mom-blogger,” here, and a fellow Christian as well, doing my best to cultivate a Christian environment for my family, with the help of my beloved Christian husband. Up front, I will say that, naturally, I am in agreement with much of what you posted here, and you said a lot of it very well. Heck, I’m a Southern Baptist. Hubby and I sing in the church choir, and volunteer in the nursery. We LOVE our God, Jesus, and our church family. And you know what? We don’t apologize for that! The majority of the readers of my blog are non-Christians (as is the majority of the world), and one reason I am so open about my faith is so that people can see that there are alternatives to Pat Robertson and James Dobson and the like, out there. People like Alex and I, who are bleeding-heart liberals–in the sense that we are sympathetic and empathetic to a fault–our hearts DO “bleed” for other people, and we are huge supporters of social programs and HELPING our fellow man…of being “Christ-like,” as much as we’re able.
One HUGE exception to my aggreement with you here is the holding up of this “Dani” as a role model. WHOA. I just spent some time over there, and I can tell you, my sister and I managed to grow up and become Christians of our own decisions, and became productive members of society…despite not being homeschooled OR beaten! Why, we never drank, did drugs, or slept around! We VOLUNTARILY went on mission trips and to church camps when our friends were parked at the pool! What anomalies we must be! Wait a minute, my church is FULL of such anomalies! Most of us grew up in loving Christian homes in which homeschooling was just not a possibility, and yet, here we are! Not heathens! How would Dani ever wrap her head around that one? Well, she wouldn’t even TRY, because she has a whole section of her blog devoted to the idea that if you are NOT homeschooling, why, you are “LAZY!” Period, end of story. And yeah, it’s us gals she’s talking to. Those of us who do join our husbands in the workforce for whatever reason–me? I like to be able to feed and clothe my child, which, granted, I could do on one salary. But, hey! I also like for us to be able to see doctors when we need to, which is a LOT, due to medical conditions that both my husband and myself have. And for that, we need health insurance. And to pay for that, I HAVE TO WORK. But according to Dani, I’m just being lazy, and selfish, and am just not making the neccessary sacrifices required to stay home and homeschool (and if her husband is any indication, to give my child her best chance at becoming an intolerant bigot in the process, and learn that conflicts are to be solved with violence–but that violence is only imparted by the bigger, stronger party with all the power…hmm, I’m seeing some political parallels here)!
Anyway, I am a regular reader of QofS. She is a delightful, warm, loving person. Do I cringe a little when she (however gently) bashes religion? I do. But she’s not bashing Christ, and she’s not saying that we as believers are ignorant/misguided/of inferior intellect for following Him (she may THINK that, but if she does, she has the good grace to refrain from SAYING it, and that’s an important point).
And like you, I was also stricken with what I perceived as a dichotomy between the tank/barbie thing on her blog. But I didn’t address it with her, because I read again both posts, and (she feels the same way I do about “war” toys, and we disagree on Barbie; I will tolerate no Barbie products. It is possible that I watch more television commercials that QofS and see more of how these abominations are marketed to our girls, and the values they promote) QofS was really just not understanding what her SIL objected to about Barbie, because to her, a doll is a doll is a doll, with no negative sub-context. But the point there was that she would, of course, respect the wishes of those parents, and not give their children any Barbies. No one who knows me would give my daughter a Barbie, most likely, and I KNOW they’d never DARE bring a “Bratz” product into this house, but I’ve blogged about those little skanks before.
When it came to the tank, not only was QofS not consulted as to whether this was an appropriate gift, her child was sent this toy by people who KNOW her, and KNOW that it would not be viewed as an appropriate gift. That falls on the aggressive side of passive-aggressive, which is really what that gesture was. “Let’s poke her a little and see what happens.”
In any case, I think you picked a poor “victim” to base the rest of your well-written post on, because really, the two things don’t have a lot to do with each other. Maybe when you started writing, it did, and then you went off on a tangent? I don’t know.
I think that we, AS Christians, owe it to God, ourselves, and the world to be as kind as we possibly can, and to use positive language whenever possible…I think you’d agree that the radical right-wing faction of “Christianity” (they don’t show many Christ-like traits, so I kinda have my doubts, though it isn’t my place to judge or even speculate on any other person’s faith and/or salvation) is doing more to alienate the general non-Christian members of our society than they are to draw them in and love them…which is kind of what The Great Commission is all about. We have Christians who write beautiful, thinking, spiritual blogs (i.e. www.bittersweetblue.blogspot.com), who are hesitant to even USE the word “Christian” because of all the negative connotations attached to it since the Bush administration came into power! Negative! About the followers of Christ, the most “positive” influence to ever walk this earth! Ask yourself if something doesn’t feel wrong about that, and if you are doing more to increase that chasm, or to bridge it. That last was actually more about Dani than you, sorry. Her blog just scared me.
That’s all, really, and it’s long enough. Your site is one I’d be likely to visit again. “Dani’s” is NOT.
Comment by Belinda — March 31, 2006 @ 11:43 pm
Alrighty…that was a lengthy post. I have a short attention span when it comes to issues such as this. I’ll throw in my two cents…it may make sense and it may not, I’m sleep and caffeine deprived right now.
First of all, let me begin by saying that I’m not looking to get involved in a blog war. I am an avid reader and fan of QofS. I agree with her on so many issues.
I think that you misinterpreted her two posts. She didn’t say that she had a problem with Barbie….her SIL does. QofS was merely blogging about the situation and that she would respect the wishes of her SIL. The second post was about the SIL not reciprocating that same respect when it came to Count Waffles’ gift. Plain and simple.
Now, on to the religious crap…which, let’s face it…THAT is the issue at hand. I am an Atheist. I was raised Southern Baptist and I NEVER believed a word of the fairytale called the bible. To each his own. I DO have a big problem with some of the tactics religious zealots use when it comes to handling life’s situations. And NO, I’m not calling all believers zealots….I’m referring to those who are so ignorant that they believe their way is the ONLY way and the rest of the world will burn in hell.
Homeschooling: I don’t have a problem with it. In some instances, it may very well be the best situation. Some school districts just aren’t safe. I am concerned that some home schooled children are lacking in social and intellectual skills since there are many homeschooling parents who are so focused on the spiritual stuff. I’m sorry, but a belief in god won’t get you into college, nor will it help you make it in the real world.
Some zealots, such as those who killed their child because of the influence “No Greater Joy”, (which in my opinion is a freakin’ cult) aren’t mentally stable. The get so wrapped up in religion that they lose touch with reality.
Gay Marriage: Uh-huh. Yeah. Marriage is only a good thing if it’s between a man and a woman. Same as parenting. No child should be raised by homosexuals. BULLSH*T!!!!
Marriage is union of two people who LOVE each other. Read two PEOPLE…regardless of gender. Gays can parent just as well as straights. As a matter of fact, a very dear friend of mine is gay. He’s been with his partner for almost 18 years and they have adopted 4 children. They are outstanding parents. AND they aren’t christians, either.
Eeek. This whole debacle is boring me. You see, people really should just keep their beliefs to themselves and stop condemning others. Isn’t that your god’s job? To pass judgement?
Comment by Denise — April 2, 2006 @ 2:01 am
GREAT POST!!!
Comment by Dani — April 2, 2006 @ 8:28 am
Since I’ve left my own comments FOR the QofS on her site, I thought it only fair to leave the comments FOR you here.
You don’t seem nearly as boxed-in on your views as Dani and I would hope that you would never use the hurtful language she and her husband hide behind in the name of Christ. I really want to believe that about you. Really, I do.
But your message was long, hard to follow at times, and misguided in the attempt to begin it with the Queen and her posts. You took a long time getting to your point and by the time you got there, I realized it had nothing to do with her views on tanks and Barbie dolls.
As a believer, you SHOULD preach the Gospel wherever you go. In actions. Not hurling hurtful words.
Comment by Mocha — April 2, 2006 @ 7:18 pm
I’d say that QoS sent me, but it’s more like: Mocha sent me to QoS and I had to come here.
To start: I can hardly read your rant. The sidebar is in the way. But, being the ingenious witchy that I am I cast a spell and hit escape and the bar magically disappeared. Okay, maybe it just stopped the page from loading. But it works for me.*
Now I’m sure you are being well intentioned “Christian” but let me clue you into two things wrong with your rant.
Firstly, if you are going to give a good Christian does of salt, remember that giving a dose of salt is pagan and not Christian. It’s how we ward off evil.
Secondly, I really hope you don’t think you represent the Christian peoples out there. You are hard and bitchy and go out to pick a fight. Um, ew. From what I understand of the Christos spirituality/mythology (having studied Chritianity for most of my life), you should be kind and non-judgemental.
Next time you write a rant. Give it just one direction. In agreeance with Mocha, it was all over the place.
Jade
*a hint for the others readers who can’t read this.
Comment by Jade — April 3, 2006 @ 10:58 pm