Captain Me Planet

April 25, 2006

Sweet Mrs. SmockinMama

Filed under: schooling, opinion

Posted this. And I will copy it here. Because I’m like that. A big ol’ copy cat. On things I really like.

Here is a sample, there is more:

How does a homeschooler change a lightbulb?

First, Mom checks three books on electricity out of the library, then the kids make models of light bulbs, read a biography of Thomas Edison, and do a skit based on his life.

Next, everyone studies the history of lighting methods, wrapping up with dipping their own candles.

Next, everyone takes a trip to the store where they compare types of lightbulbs, as well as prices, and figure out how much change they’ll get if they buy two bulbs for $1.99 and pay with a five-dollar bill.

On the way home, a discussion develops over the history of money and also Abraham Lincoln, as his picture is on the five-dollar bill.

Finally, after building a homemade ladder out of branches dragged from the woods, the lightbulb is installed.

And there is light…which begins a Bible study on the days of Creation.

You Know You’re A Homeschool Mom When

When a child busts a lip, and after seeing she’s okay, you round up some Scotch tape to capture some blood and look at it under the microscope.

You find dead animals and actually consider saving them to dissect later…

Your husband can walk in at the end of a long day and tell how the science experiment went just by looking at the house…

The only debate about the school lunch program is whose turn it is to cook…

Your formal dining room now has a computer, copy machine, and many book shelves and there are educational posters and maps all over the walls…

You have meal worms growing in a container….on purpose…

You take off for a teacher in-service day because the principal needs clean underwear…

Your honor student can actually read the bumper sticker that you put on your car…

You live in a one-house schoolroom.

April 20, 2006

Sick Sick Sick

Filed under: opinion

Of hearing about stupid Tom Cruise and misguided Katie Holmes. At least I hope she’s awestruck and misguided, and not in her right mind to be down with Cruise and all that Scientology hoo-haa.

And I’m so sorry for this innocent baby that just entered the world with whacko Tom as a dad. And why is some celeb’s baby’s birth the end-all be-all in the news world? We have nothing better to fixate on? Last night’s 11 o’clock local news reported the first pic of new baby will fetch between 3 and 5 mil. MILLION. Some idiot paparazzi is going to kill someone trying to get that shot.

And oh, good ol’ Tom says they’re so so focused on the baby right now, they’ll think about a summer or fall wedding. Good to see Scientology has all it’s priorites lined up. Make sure the birth is silent, wouldn’t want to traumatize the baby. No sweat her parents aren’t even married. Wouldn’t want to rush into anything. Yeah, we all remember the moment we were born. Personally, I’m still in therapy over that one. If only I hadn’t heard my Mom groan that one time. And did that doctor have to use forceps? I still have nightmares.

Well, in true Hollywood form, what’s most important gets the most coverage. And the kookiest people seem to rise swiftly to the top. At least our 10 year old knows which end is up. He commented, hey, why don’t those people know how to get married and stay married before they get to having babies? Don’t they care?

I guess not, hon.

April 18, 2006

Because of Flotsam

Filed under: opinion

I am posting a top 50 Likes List. I’ve followed her site for a bit now, laughed hard at her Top 50 Dislikes, and now, she has posted the positives. I can’t just do one, or two, or five…I’ve got to be the sheep, follow along, and do my own 50. Baaaa.

I’m not together enough to really indicate order of preference. Just together enough to get 50 down.

1. Wine
2. Wine
3. My husband’s margaritas
4. Wine
5. Did I say wine?
6. A good Chardonnay
7. Or a nice Pinot Noir
8. Sleeping in
9. Reading a great book that I don’t want to end
10. Cornbread
11. Jeans that really fit
12. My old belly button
13. And surrounding abs, pre-children
14. A great haircut
15. My husband
16. Our children being friends
17. Horseback riding
18. Godiva raspberry truffles with champagne for Valentine’s
19. That someone invented anti-depressants
20. That my old mini van is paid for
21. My sarong I bought for Grand Bahama
22. Dangly chandelier earrings
23. A good hat
24. Well worn jammie pants
25. Some things that should remain unmentionable
26. Air conditioning
27. Screened porches
28. Making dinner for friends
29. Push up bras and silicone padding
30. The thought that I could one day get a boob job
31. Not wearing underwear
32. Christmas tree smell, the real thing
33. Tiny white lights
34. The dog at my feet, sleeping
35. A good pedicure
36. The fact that I got a tattoo for my 32nd birthday
37. Sorry Mom.
38. Early morning coffee
39. Late night breast feeding
40. The way the children still smell after a bath
41. The way my husband smells when he’s about to leave for work, after his shower
42. His hands
43. His lips
44. His hair. He has great hair.
45. All the laundry done
46. A clean kitchen
47. My mama making my dinner
48. My pillow when I’m really tired, like now
49. My life
50. A clean counter, and no dishes in the sink

You? Any favorites? Share.

April 12, 2006

Tickling the Ovaries

I’m canceling my gynecological exam. Scheduled for my check up tomorrow, and I’m just not in the mood. Why would I not be in the mood? For one, I am lacking child care today, and hanging my arse out of the tissue paper gown with my feet in stirrups gives me some difficulty in effective child round-up and discipline.

For two, the whole event just bothers me. I know it’s necessary, you know it’s necessary, everyone knows it’s necessary. But what is not necessary is the annoying attempt at small talk intended to make me feel more comfortable. To engage me. I’m not going to be comfortable, I do not want to be engaged, and no amount of verbal drivel will change this. Hey, how are we today, great weather we’re having. I’m just going to put my fingers on your breast right like this…I’m not terribly modest. I don’t even wear underwear for Pete’s sake. My children see me naked all the time, and if a friend came in the house, as I was getting out of the shower, I’d probably only be embarrased at my saggy post partum belly. But to chat about the weather like he’s not fondling me in this clinical manner is absurd. So, I see from your chart you just moved. Are you liking Greenville? I’m just going to roll and squeeze this nipple, here, right like that, and now the other…Good. Can you put your arm over your head? In this position, flat on my back, I’m supposed to wax on about the merits of living in the small town south. How commerce is booming, what restaraunts I like. I give it a try. Um, well (wince at nipple tweaking), I really like that there’s so little traffic. Oh yeah, me too, now I’m going to go around the areola, that’s a great part of not being in a big city. Yeah. That’s grand.

Then it’s the OK, we’re going to have you sit up, and do the pelvic now. Are you comfortable? Hell no, I am not comfortable. I’m about to put my girly bits 3 inches from his face, and pray I showered well enough. Again, it’s not really the exam that’s so unnerving. It’s his insisting we have a little chat all the way through it. I’m thinking of questions I can ask him. So, um, how was that last vagina you took a look at? Blonde? Redhead? Yeah, those labias can be tricky when you do the speculum thing. I get settled in, spread eagle. And then get a can you scoot your bottom down just a bit more? Like I’m not already feeling his breath? I can tell what he had for lunch, and on what side of town. And somehow, that spread eagle scooting is the most humiliating part of the whole visit. It can’t be pretty. I know. I’ve seen what it all looks like. I mean, I’m all for the beauty of the body, and God’s creative wisdom in creating all sorts of things, including vaginas, but that is just not a flattering view. And I’m always wondering just what sort of person wants to get this view, like, 19 times a day? Can he be normal?

And then, this is going to be just a bit uncomfortable, gonna feel a little pressure. That damn shoehorn with the mini jack attached. And has he cranks, cranks, cranks (how wide can it go already?) he’s jabbering. You know, I saw a movie the other day with my kids…my eyes are closed, I’m practicing transporting far far away, and he’s doing a movie review while loading up on the KY. And really, it’s not that I’m embarrased of my girliness. Or my not so tight anymore body. It’s just that it feels so vulnerable, I don’t really want to wholly engage and be in that moment. I’d rather it just go on and pass, shoo, shoo, get away from here. But he won’t let me! Now, you’re going to feel my finger, and my hand pressing down from the outside. He’s trying to get his fingers to connect, one from in and one from out, through my skin. And going on about that movie. Yeah, it was about some spy, no wait (what else can I do), a family of spies. Yeah, they were undercover. OK, that’s good there. Now I’m going to feel for your ovaries. I’m transporting, I’m transporting…So anyway, yeah that feels right, this family has to capture this kid’s show guy, who’s nabbing all their friend spies, and threatening the security of the country. Did you see it? Wasn’t it a good one for the whole family? The guy is literally tickling my ovaries, and asking my opinion on a movie at the same time. I’m not here, but give a feeble effort. Um, well, OK, I think I remember that one. Yeah, very (wince again) funny. OK, Mrs. Captain Mom, I think that all feels good (really? according to whom?). Seem to be perfectly healthy. We’ll let you know via postcard the results of your pap.

As I get dressed I think about that last statement. Isn’t it sort of callous, maybe a bit crass, to probe me such and drop a postcard? It seems awfully impersonal for what we’ve been through together. At least a personal phone call, maybe? A cup of coffee? Nothing. Just a postcard, and a box of personal wet wipes left on the gurney. On to the next vagina. And the next. And the next. I wonder, what will he say to the others? Will he tell them about the great weather, the movie? Does he use the same lines on all the girls? I didn’t ask for this. I tried to transport. But he just had to go and make it personal. All his interested-in-me chatter. Damn him.

As I leave the exam area, I see him entering another room. That reassuring smile, offering his hand. I feel like chattel. Used and discarded. Replaced. And then, I go pay $180 for it. The check out lady smiles knowingly. What does she know? Does she know that he makes no disctinction from one out-stretched vagina to the next? That he tries to make us all feel comfortable with his incessant meaningless banter? That somehow, we feel, well, intimate, but we’re left with only a stupid postcard and the instructions to clean ourselves up? We’re left just hanging out to dry (so to speak)? Or does she just know that we all loathe that yearly exam, and feel helpless to do anything about it, and after all, she’s one of us, too.

April 1, 2006

A blog to prove me wrong.

Filed under: opinion

Thank God. A Spiritual Journey.

Thanks, Belinda.

March 31, 2006

IF

Filed under: opinion

the few of you who left comments on the previous posts happen to return, I do wish to make something clear. I referenced Dani as a bit of inspiration for one reason. She is bold in her beliefs. Bold about being a believer. In an time of being able to be bold without receiving ridicule for nearly anything else one might stand for, many Christians find themselves in an odd place of feeling unable to be clear about what many of us, not all, believe to be true.

I do NOT agree with the hate of that guy harrassing soldiers. Or anyone else for that matter. I don’t think I agree protests outside abortion clinics is anyway to handle one’s anti-abortion feelings. I do not agree with calling any one a “homo”, and would gladly tell Dani so. While I have a few dear friends who are gay, they know I don’t agree with their life choice. Dani and I apparently differ here. She and I do line up on quite a number of things, and it was one of the very first times I’ve ever seen any one shoot so straight about their thoughts on the matters of conservative Christianity, although she and I don’t line up on everything.

Laurie said in her comment:

I went to a funeral on Monday for a soldier that was killed in Iraq; I was there as a member of the Patriot Guard Riders, and do you know why I was there? Ever hear of a guy named Fred Phelps (probably one of Dani’s heroes)? Well, this “Christian” nutjob is going around causing trouble at the funerals of soldiers all in the name of Jesus, so I rode with a very fine group of motorcyclists to be at the funeral in order to protect the family from hearing such things out of the mouths of “Christians” such as “God blew up the troops”, “God hates queers”, “Cpl Yates is burning in hell”… and on and on. My, such good, loving Christians!

I agree with her sentiment exactly. And my feelings on this issue, as a self described Jesus freak is that Jesus would not agree with these tactics, and never agree with the hate, either.

And on being pro-capital punishment and pro-life? I don’t see these as black and white, there are my personal leanings. And as I stated in the previous post, I struggle with any government making personl decisions of this nature for me, or anyone else. But the first? Commited a crime. The latter? Got accidentally brought into this world. And any crimes committed “in Jesus’ name”? Just wrong. Any hate associated with him is wrong. And I work hard to never enter into actions that would put me anywhere close to that fray.

I’m sure I’ll ponder these things, and post more another time, as things dawn on me. Not that anyone’s holding their breath. Primarily, I decided as should be able to be, and would like to be, as bold on my feelings, as the Queen of Spain is on hers. We can disagree all day, and will, but I sure like her moxie.

Sorry, no time for links this time.

Outed

Filed under: observations, opinion

This blog world is funny. Lots and lots of witty, pithy, entertaining women putting it all out there, writing and sharing. But it has been my observation, and maybe I’m just not getting around enough, that most of these women are, well, may I say, much more liberal (Gah. I hate that word.) than I. This is fine. Really. It takes all kinds, right? But when I say, leave a comment or something, asking about an issue. Maybe for clarification, or OK, maybe I’m being an eensy weensy bit beligerant, and feel somewhat compelled to well, point out a contradiction in there thinking, I am sometimes deleted. Washed right off the comments board. Poof! As if I never was. Why? I promise I was nice. Just not in agreement.

I may be awhile here.

Like at The Queen of Spain. Now maybe I just accidentally hit delete, instead of post, but when I asked if she saw any contradiction in these two posts, my comment seems to have vanished. Basically, I was asking about her thinking that her SIL was around the bend for having trouble with the potential message that Barbie sends young girls, but she had a later post about trashing a toy tank given to her son becauses she didn’t like the potential message it could give him. She thought her SIL was being pretty ridiculous. I was just wondering. OK, I was goading a bit.

I see 2 camps out there. One is the sort of blog described above, which I think is entertaining, and often well written (just my humble opinion). Funny women. Women willing to hang their dirty laundry out there. Discuss their anatomy when applicable. Tell it like it is when their four year old smears his boogers on the ceiling. But often, although certainly not always, these blogs are by women that will generally clash with my core set of beliefs. That’s fine. It’s just that I like to read good writing at interesting sites. And if I go looking for blogs that are, well, more conservative or let me just say it, Christian, typically what I find is bland stuff covered in quilted duck prints. Does believing in Jesus = Hummel figurines and teddy bear back grounds? Whassup with that? Does having witty prose and a dynamic site = anti-faith and a firm belief that any spanking is child abuse?

I know I could be over generalizing here, but I’m telling you, I see it over and over and over. And from previous experience, I can say with certainty that if you decide you’d like to speak your mind, and it’s *gasp* conventional, or even worse, your best interpretation of Biblically based, buckle up. You are poo poo for a swarm of flies out there.

On the other hand, often (I’m trying hard not to paint with too broad a stroke here), if you’d like to agree that porn with your husband is fun (I could link sites here), or gay marriage should be legal, or that there are no consequences to shacking up and not marrying, then bring it on sister. We’re all in this together. Unless, of course, you’re a Jesus freak. It’s about the only kind of freak not allowed. Because we aaaallll know that means you condemn, hate and use that worthless piece of antiquity, otherwise known as the Bible, as an excuse to stay atop your high horse. You may disagree with others’ choices all. day. long. Unless your reason for disagreeing is in some effort to walk out a faith that calls us to something higher than doing just whatever feels good whenever we want.

I’m still sounding this out. Go take a break if you want. Pee. Get a drink. Or go on to another more important task in your day. I’m just saying my piece.

There has been a firestorm among homeschool bloggers this last couple of weeks. A tragedy happened in North Carolina. A small boy was killed by a clearly disturbed care giver, in an effort to make him stay in bed. She claimed parenting advice gleened from a ministry in Tennessee, No Greater Joy, suggested such tactics. No matter who suggests what, no balanced parent or care giver would have gone to the lengths this woman did, resulting in this little boy’s death.

But now, light has been shined on No Greater Joy. And in an attempt to just summarize here, they believe in and advocate spanking, training, and teaching children actively. As a parent, we are responsible for their well being, and how they turn out. D’uh. But in doing this, they advocate certain tactics that bristle quite a few people, and sometimes me, as well. But in general terms, their message is one I believe in. We are the ones to prepare our children for the world, and for the role to which the Lord is leading them. We train them. Train seems to be a very bad word among many bloggers now. Why? We say potty train, why not train to teach manners, respect, how to tie shoes, zip pants, say excuse me, not hit a sibling, and on and on. But the worst part is that the Pearls, the founder of NGJ, advocate spanking. With an object. Like a small, thin, line of plumbing pipe. Or a switch. Or maybe a wooden spoon. If the first makes you blanche, I understand. But if you consider spanking OK, then consider that a thin piece of something delivers only a swift sting, while a hand, to get the point across, can be heavy, and bruising. I can practically hear the anger bubbling all over the blogosphere over this comment. Homeschoolers are up in arms, and dividing right and left, literally, and battle lines are being drawn. Are the “pro-spankers” spitting on the “anti-spankers” (these terms are ridiculous) Nope. It’s the other way around. But don’t get me wrong. I am not enamoured with Michael Pearl. I think he’s arrogant. But if he’s suggesting that I may need to spank my child, I’m in agreement. Even an 8 or 9 month old who can crawl and touch something dangerous is completely capable of understanding a pop on the hand each time she does so means no. More bile rising, I’m sure.

At ODonnel Web, he has pointed out:

GMALASHEP

It’s pronounced Ga-Mala-Shep, and it’s apparently some sort of secret organization that is organizing the boycott of Homeschoolblogger. It’s just a tool they are using to spread their anti-Christian message far and wide…BTW, it stands for Gay, Marxist, Atheist, Libertarian, ACLU Supporting, Home Educating Parents.

And the primary venom is being aimed at Christians. Because some of us, although while not suggesting any child rearing book should be read without prayer and a giant dose of salt, do feel spanking is perfectly appropriate. If not just necessary. And we believe a whole host of other stuff that riles the above self described. Spanking just seems to be a hallmark of which side of the fence you sit on, modern and enlightened, or convential and of grandma’s school.

I’m of grandma’s school. And I try my best to be of God’s. I must not be enlightened. And if the current culture of children is the result of such parental enlightenment, Lord help us all.

I am a believer. In Christ as the son of God, and in the Holy Trinity of their existence as Father, Son and Spirit.

And in the redeeming love and grace of Christ’s sacrifice and death on the cross.

I try to live my life according to this principle the best I can.

I believe that next to being a child of God, that my privilege of wife and mother is the hightest calling I could ever have.

I believe that am in a supportive, partnership role with my husband. That I am here to help him be the best man God is calling him to be. And that he is here to love me, as unconditionally and sacrificially as he is able with God’s grace.

I’m not embarrassed to be a “help-meet”.

We are created differently, as God intended men and women to be. But complimentary, as He also intended.

No ship can have 2 captains. If we just can’t come to agreement, I’ll defer to him, in the knowledge that every decision he makes is the best prayerful one he can. In honoring him, I honor the Lord.

I do not believe the public school are adequate to prepare our children for the rest of their lives.

Most private schools would not be able, either.

We homeschool not for the best education in subjects like math and history, but for the best preparation of their hearts and spirits.

Yes. It is like brainwashing. Someone will, it better be us.

I believe our children should be, brace yourself, obedient. And respect us as their authority, in an exercise to learn to submit to the authority of our Lord. I know, radical.

Although we often like to give explanations, I believe in because I said so.

I don’t think shacking up before marriage is right.

Or sex before marriage, either.

I struggle with 2 partners of the same sex adopting or having children together. There is a reason God created the family with a mother and a father.

I believe I can completely disagree with another person’s way of life, or choices in life, and never let any hatred or condemnation enter the relationship. Jesus did it.

I think it’s OK to say no, I don’t choose that for me. And that making that decision comes from a jugdement we are called to make, as believers. Again, that doesn’t mean we act in anything but love towards those we disagree with.

I believe house work and meal planning are blessings to my family, and a high holy calling. And every bit as important, if not more so, than the highest paid job out there.

I’m not just a mom. I am a mother.

I believe pornography is wrong. In any use. Even in consensual married relationships. So what defines porn? I can only say what my definition is, for me. But I sure feel like I can make some broad strokes here.

I believe abortion is wrong, and that it breaks the Lord’s heart. But I’m not at all sure I want it legislated by the government.

I believe there is a real spirtual battle going on . For our children, especially. And God calls us to the battle front.

So that’s it. I’m outed. A bible thumping, conventional thinking, occasional child-spanking, husband-honoring, toilet cleaning, meal making, homeschooling, prayer saying, Jesus freak. And I intend to talk about it as freely as some women do their vibrators.

Thanks, Dani, for a bit of inspiration.

March 30, 2006

Even Time knows it

Filed under: observations, opinion

Why Homeschool posted a great article. It seems Time has a recent piece called The Multitasking Generation. Henry Cate sumarizes the main thrust of the article with this:

A main part of the article is that with our advances in technology, and how cheap the new toys are, many children have computers, cell phones, and so on. And they’ll use them all at the same time, and often while they are at school or at home. The current generation of children is multitasking at a degree higher than ever before. Researches are concerned that too much time spent trying to multitask is harmful. “Habitual multitasking may condition their brain to an overexcited state, making it difficult to focus even when they want to. ‘People lose the skill and the will to maintain concentration …’” (I added the bold) Some children are spending all their time trying to do several things at once. The article makes the point that it is important “… for parents and educators to teach kids, preferably by example, that it’s valuable, even essential, to occasionally slow down, unplug and take time to think about something for a while.”

And then he quoted the most powerful statement made in this piece:

“For all the handwringing about Generation M, technology is not really the problem. ‘The problem,’ says Hallowell, ‘is what you are not doing if the electronic moment grows too large’–too large for the teenager and too large for those parents who are equally tethered to their gadgets. In that case, says Hallowell, ‘you are not having family dinner, you are not having conversations, you are not debating whether to go out with a boy who wants to have sex on the first date, you are not going on a family ski trip or taking time just to veg. It’s not so much that the video game is going to rot your brain, it’s what you are not doing that’s going to rot your life.” (he added the bold.)

For years, I’ve heard a statement almost just like this. From my own parents, who against the grain of nearly everyone they knew, wouldn’t just let us sit in front of the tube. Friend after friend would ask “what’s so wrong with (pick a show)”, and my parents would respond, “what’s so right about it?”. It was not about whether or not the program itself was harmful, but about what other things could we possibly be doing with our time. And at that time, TV was just about it for the media distraction. I was about 10 before Dad bought our first Pong game. That fascninating ping ping back and forth across the black screen, flanked by fat white dashes to create a video game of Ping Pong. There were no cell phones. There were no handheld electronic games (until we were about 12). No iPods. No laptops. No virtual pets. Palm Pilots. Walkmen (or mans? and is this even out there anymore?) Good Lord, I’m feeling old.

But now. Now it is a free-for-all. And I’ve been able to witness first hand how addictive this stuff can be. In our home, our own 10 year old would melt into a video game or anime’ cartoon, if he could just will it so. And we’ve witnessed, when that stuff goes on, his brain goes out. Nighty-night. No more base thinking skills. Forget attitude, manners, or the ability to answer a question or follow a 2 item sequence of instruction. And at 10, he’s asking when does he get his cell phone? Is he kidding me? Like maybe when he can pay for one and is not constantly with me? How would I call him now? From the kitchen to the bedroom? He’s 10. And he’s homeschooled. How far can he possibly go? But that’s not the point, now is it. It’s all about having the stuff.

I am convinced that the prolific barage of media of all sorts is robbing our children of potential we’ll never know could be realized. That it literally alters the brain development. Check out The Plug In Drug, if you haven’t. Or studies between learning disabilities and too much media, here, here or here.

If you’re a parent, and you have media in your house (who doesn’t), be able to say no. Not now. You’ve had too much. That’s enough. Get outside and use your imagination. Your child’s future brain power may just depend on it.

March 24, 2006

Another D’oh.

Found at Dani’s site. I don’t feel well enough to wax on here, but boy, I sure could. Just more evidence that teaching our children at home is the only choice we have.

1940’s Top Disciplinary Problems:
Chewing gum
Talking-out-of-turn
Making noise
Running in the halls
Cutting in line
Dress-code violations

1990’s Top Disciplinary Problems:
Assault
Robbery
Drug abuse
Alcohol
Suicide
Pregnancy

Wonder if God and prayer being removed from the public school in the 1960’s (not to mention the new liberties being afforded in our society at that time, some good, yes, have had major impact on the family and the comittment and desire to remain one, in a role that is actually beneficial to the children coming into those families) could have anything at all to do with this?

In 2005, we can add school shootings, stabbings, drug dealing, pornography, along with rape and child molestation; committed by teachers and students alike.

Yay social progress.

March 23, 2006

PC poo poo

Filed under: opinion

This is so over the top ridiculous that I’m not sure I can even say anything about it. Oh. I can. And I’m going to paragraph by paragraph, phrase by phrase.

P.C. rhyme turns sheep colors
Black wool out at British nurseries
Shelley Emling - For the Journal-Constitution
Wednesday, March 22, 2006

London — Has anyone ever actually seen a rainbow-colored sheep?
Um, no. Of course NOT. Unless maybe one was painted up for a Gay Pride Day, or something.

Teachers at nursery schools in Oxfordshire have asked children to change the words of “Baa, Baa, Black Sheep” to “Baa, Baa, Rainbow Sheep” to avoid the possibility of offending anyone.
Are they freaking serious! What person of any color would ever be offended at mentioning a typical color of any animal? I’m offended that anyone would mention the White Tiger. Stop it. Stop it right now. I’m calling the ACLU. Help. I’m being offended. Call it a RAINBOW Tiger. And what about the Red Ruffed whatever-this-is (that doesn’t actually seem to have any red on it)…Should any person of Indian, oops, Native American descent be hurt? Feel slapped in the face? I’m sure they should. And someone should tell them they should if they don’t.

“This type of thing is definitely happening in all parts of the country,” said Laura Midgley, co-founder of Britain’s Campaign Against Political Correctness. “This makes an issue about the color black when there should not be one.
Um, DUUUUH.

“It’s just a color at the end of the day,” she said.
Another big DUUUUUUUUH.

As in the United States, the removal of alienating or potentially offensive words is part of a political correctness drive that has gained momentum in recent years across British society.
If you want a society that allows you to be who and what you are, then learn to take the lumps if someone disagrees. Some one will always disagree. What is that famous quote, “you can please some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can never please all of the people all of the time.” Get over it. Live.

Many argue that the power of words is underestimated and are pleased that more people seem to be showing sensitivity toward ethnicity and sexuality.
This is NOT sensitivity. It is lunacy. Now, if there were an old rhyme, or song that included slurs against a race, those that have been used to refer to black people, or at one time in our history Japanese, Chinese, Irish, you name it…that may be different. A word that is associated directly with hatred, prejudice and pain is different. A color is a COLOR.

But others wonder whether the desire not to offend anyone has gone too far.
Um, YES.

This isn’t the first time nursery rhymes have fallen victim here to the P.C. campaign. In 2003, the Mothercare store chain here began selling cassette tapes and CDs featuring a new version of Humpty Dumpty in which there was a happy ending.
Now, I may actually be speechless. Nope. I’m not. Who the heck is offended by Humpty Dumpty never being put back together again? Should Old Yeller be rewritten? A vet races in at the last minute with an emergency rabies serum, and the boy and the dog play ball into the sunset together? Or God forbid we let Dumbo actually be separted from his mother when she goes all nuts and spanks that boy with her…WAIT! She spanked a boy! Well, that’s just plain old child abuse. It should be re-written out entirely! Disney should be ashaaaaamed (dark, condemning tone, here). So we’ll need to think of another reason they were separated, and then do something like co-confinement, so the heartache of 2 cartoon characters won’t warp the sensitivities of toddlers and young children across the world. Oh. My. G*d. In that movie, the crows have a black African American dialect and sing jazzy tunes. Write that out, for sure. And the little mouse that helps Dumbo is short, call the Association of Little People. Or Dwarves. I don’t even know what’s PC here. This entire movie is just an abomination.

The new version said that “Humpty Dumpty opened his eyes, falling down was such a surprise, Humpty Dumpty counted to 10, then Humpty Dumpty got up again.”
He. did. not. get. up. and count to ten. Because, now brace yourself all you little sensitive children, or young people, or adults-in-training, whatever you should be called, he couldn’t be put back together again. I know, I know, it’s so hard. You’re traumatized now. Some self-esteem building and role play or drawing young person therapy is now in order.

“The political correctness campaign has been going on for some time, but we are seeing more of it these days than we have in the past,” Midgley said.
She and others say this latest desire to not offend by getting rid of “black sheep” is ludicrous.
THANK YOU, one smart and reasonable person out there. What’s your phone number, I think there are only about 11 of us left.

The nursery rhyme dates back to the mid-1700s and is related to a tax imposed on wool by the king that divided receipts equally among the local lord (the master), the church (the dame), and the farmer (the little boy). Black wool was apparently taxed at a lower rate than white wool.
Well of course, it referenced an inferior race of people (insert hugely sarcastic voice). It couldn’t have anything to do with the fact that most likely, white wool was used more often, therefore, more in demand, therefore MORE expensive. So we definitely need to get that (I’m not even going to type it here) color OUT of the Baa Baa Blacksheep picture. Now.

The charity group that runs the nurseries in Oxfordshire, Parents and Children Together, said the changes to the nursery rhyme have nothing to do with race.
So then, whyyyyyy are we changing it?

In a statement, the group said it has established that the children at the nurseries would now sing a variety of descriptive words so that the rhyme becomes an active one.
And just singing different rhymes and songs isn’t interactive enough? At least they can fess up to the stupidity if they’re going to be it.

The children will be asked to sing “sad,” “blue,” “pink,” “black,” “white,” “happy,” “hopping,” and “bouncing” when describing the sheep in order to encourage the children to extend their vocabulary and use up some energy.
What if depressed people feel uncomfortable hearing about some sheep being happy? Or happy people feel unnecessarily pointed out? Or depressed people feel even more depressed when the word ’sad’ is used? I’m personally offended by the reference to white, being a white (or Euro American) person myself. Now where’s the ACLU when you need’em? The Easter Bunny might get mift over that ‘hopping’ thing, and I KNOW all baby boys around the world are going to wail at the mention of ‘bouncing’. And the ‘pink’? Not only a sure offense to the musician Pink, but most certainly some sort of identity theft. I’d call a lawyer.

Thank the good Lord that people are thinking and acting on just the right areas of thinking that will serve our very young persons for the future. Whew. I feel safer all the time. And to think of the pain Humpty could have caused millions of adults-in-training all around the world. Can we find and sue that wreckless poet? Oh. He’s dead? Then for sure we can go after his descendants. Some body get Alan Dershowitz on the line.






















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